"It's like throwing a birthday party every single time..."

I grabbed a drink with a friend the other day who recently opened up her own cafe. We were chatting about starting up our own projects, both in food, and the difficulties that can go along with it. Halfway through the conversation, she said something that completely embodied my thoughts on the subject -

"It's like throwing your birthday party every single time." 

Not in the "party time, excellent!" kind of way, but in that you spend ages handing out invitations, making goodie bags and blowing up balloons, but are constantly wondering whether anyone will actually come, and if they do, if they'll even have a good time. Loads of people can come and have an amazing night, and you feel on top of the world, or you can find yourself sitting on the couch alone eating your own birthday cake with your hands... I hate organising my own birthday activities - there's always more stress and inevitable disappointment (especially in a city as notoriously flaky as London) than anyone wants. It's a high stakes gambling game, opening up the doors to a project, putting it out there, and finding out what people really think.

Coupled with this, is the idea of going it alone. Both my friend and I have started our respective business/projects on our own, without a partner or permanent staff - hiring and getting help when we need it, but otherwise doing the brunt of the work, worrying, and decision making solo. The thrill of success and burden of failure weigh completely on our shoulders. Our businesses are intrinsically tied to us as people and it's hard not to feel that everything that happens to it is a direct reflection of our own value. Of course, that's not always, and not often the case, but that doesn't change the emotional reaction - be it good or bad. Of course there are nice things about going solo - namely autonomy on decisions and the direction of where things are going, but also being able to run completely on your own schedule, and to play a part in every aspect of what you are creating. However, there are certain things you miss out on - when you have a partner, you have someone to bounce ideas off of, rally together, find humour in difficult moments, and generally a comrade in arms - someone who, even if no one else shows up to the party, you can still get pissed with and have a good time.

I don't mean this as a complaint; it's an amazing thing to be able to start something yourself, and while it can be an emotional rollercoaster, I love the challenge and opportunities that come with the work - I wouldn't want to be doing anything else right now. That's why it's important for people going it alone to support each other, vent the stresses and anxieties, run ideas past, celebrate and commiserate the triumphs and stumbles we experience along the way. Because if you have a good support network, you know that at least a couple people will always be at your party.